One of THE greatest people I know...





THEE Birthday Girl! <3

Let me tell you all about this wonderful soul that has been brought into my life. 28 years ago today, this beauty would be born. I had the pleasure of meeting her for the first time four years ago. After going through a rough time in my life, a former friend (we'll call her Farrah) had told me all about this Naomi girl. I can remember her saying "she has two girls and you will just love her!"  Not being one who trusts many females and because of their dislike for me for some unknown reason, I was reluctant but nonetheless I met up with her, Alicia, and Farrah at Red Lobster for a few margaritas! mmmmm.... margaritas...   


On this night... I realized not all girls were... ummm.... beeotches. :)  And after this... I realized that I had met a friend... a woman that I would be able to laugh with and grow with as friends. I will always thank Farrah for giving me this chance to meet one of the greatest ladies I know.

Over the years, I have watched her grow into an incredible mother. One of thee most loving mothers to her children I have ever seen before. She makes me want to be a better mom to my children. And her girls... I have watched them grow and become spitting images of their mama. They are simply gorgeous and all three combined couldn't match the girliness in a hundred women. You want proof?


Told ya!

Naomi has one of the most contagious smiles and laughter. To just be near her gives you the giggles because she is so full of fun. She always looks great! She recently went red and her firery hair is as firery as her personality. She makes the best out of everything she's given. She is infectious to be around and anyone and everyone that is near her is always smiling. What? You want MORE proof?

See what I mean?!?

She has found the love of her life....


And they compliment each other so well.

 And she loves anything chocolate hence the reason I made her cake pops for her surprise party.

This wonderful woman and friend that God has blessed me with, I will be so thankful for. I am so happy that I was able to celebrate her birthday with her. I am so blessed beyond measure to know such a beautiful person, inside and out. I love you, Nomz!! Happy Birthday!! <3
"Though miles may lie between us, we are never far apart. For friendship doesn't count miles because it's measured by the heart."

Love, Sylba

It is NOT Acceptable: The "R" Word

Seriously... get another word!

Before I begin this blog, please note that I am not bashing anyone and I do not think any differently of others.  I am beyond guilty of this and I am nowhere near perfect.  I’m all over the 1st Amendment. Good stuff, that right to free speech and assembly.

Retard:  1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.  2.  To be delayed  3. a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.

About three years ago, when I was living with my friend Tracy, I would always say “that’s retarded,” or “how gay!”  I never meant anything by it. I was never intentionally or consciously saying that being “retarded” is stupid or that being “gay” is dumb. However, because of today’s society using it freely, it became a part of my everyday language.  My other favorite phrase was "What the crap?!"  LOL Although my "What the crap?" phrase still lingers, I have made myself very aware how offensive those other phrases were.  

I began to realize that I was not the only one who was saying it. All over, from children to teens to adults, use these terms. Without a doubt, many say it not realizing who they hurt and why they say it.  What many do not understand is that mentally retarded is a common diagnosis when referring to someone who has an intellectual disability. People who have intellectual disabilities are people who have dreams, families, jobs, lives and in some cases - spouses and children. They are not any less of a human being than someone who has a genius level IQ.

So why am I on this rant? Last Wednesday, I picked up Cally from school and was approached by the teacher. The teacher proceeded to explain that there is this little boy in Cally’s class that is mentally challenged and how none of the other kids like him. He is always being picked on by the students because he isn’t like them and they always call him a retard.

To my delight, she said “I am so pleased with Cally!  She helps him, she’s the first one to play with him, and she’s always so nice to him!  If the other kids start picking on him, she immediately stands up for him and defends him.  We are so proud of her!”  And oh my gosh! I just wanted to hug her and squeeze her and tell her how proud of her I was!! At that point, I realized that I was doing a damn good job of raising her and showing her what was right and wrong.

My point is this…. We need to be more self aware. I’m against laws censoring language (hate speech is an important exception), but I think as individuals we could do more self-regulating — whether or not we’re in front of kids.  The next time you call someone a retard or use it in a derogatory manner, ask yourself why you chose that word.  Is it because even though you’re neuro-typical you’re just not that smart? If spic and fag are racist slurs, why isn’t retard?  Just something to think about.

If You Don’t Like It, Stop Bitching About It – And Fix It!

"Dance a tune only you can hear, sing a happy song even if your sad, love your friends and family with all your heart. Tomorrow may never come so live for today."  Julie Hinkle

So this one day I was on the brink of tears.  You know… one of those little pity parties you have? I didn’t know why and I didn’t feel like there was anyone to really talk to. I just wanted to cry and I just wanted a hug and for no reason really.  Ever since the falling out of a friendship from someone I considered a sister and the death of another, I have yearned for the closeness of a friendship like I had before. 

Langdon was someone that I could talk to and never once did I feel judged. I could tell him the most humiliating stories and he would just laugh with me. I miss that kid dearly. And then the girl that I considered a sister, the one I was attached at to the hip to, the girl that I sang with, and have many memories with. We both changed and so did priorities and the friendship not only fell apart but shattered like a mirror dropped from 50 stories high. I mourned the loss of that friendship like I mourned the death of someone I cared for deeply.  In the 29 years of my life, I had never lost a friend so this cut deep.

Now, I’m not saying I do not have any friends. I have so many and I will be forever grateful for everyone in my life. I feel as though everyone in my life has contributed something to make me who I am today. Still, during my “poor me” session, I realized something…. It’s my own fault. It is and has been my own fault that I do not have that “best friend” that I can just call up for dinner or go to her house to hang out. It was my fault because I failed to put forth the effort into those friendships. I neglected those friendships and those people because I didn’t let them know how important they were to me. So I suppose I came to the conclusion that “you get what you give.”  

This little motto applies to almost everything. Life, school, work, kids, love, friendships… etc. If you put more of an effort into a relationship – you will get it back – sometimes tenfold! It seems as though I have applied this little rule into almost every part of my life except in friendships over the past year. And being the “Stop bitching and fix it” person that I am, I have come to the conclusion that I must put more of an effort into my friendships. I must stop whining and bitching about it and do something to change my thoughts.

Food for thought: On Friday, March 18, 2011, my friend made plans to come down for my birthday. He was planning on picking his girlfriend up from the airport that following weekend. On March 22, 2011, he died. We plan for tomorrow, next week, next month. But we never know if tomorrow, next week, or next month will come for us. We need to make sure that we tell those we care about how much we love them. Tell them... because they can’t read your mind.  Let them know that they are more important to you than they realize.

All My Love  ~  Sylba

o! and have you heard the new happy song?!?!? 

Domestic Violence

Every year, more and more people are being made aware of breast cancer. Every October there are parades and everything turns pink to promote breast cancer awareness. But did you know that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month?  Matter of fact, do you really know what domestic violence really is?  If you don’t, you’re not alone. Many people have no idea what it is and it is always swept under the rug when spoken about.

Here are a few facts:  One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. One in four, you guys!!! An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.  Most cases of domestic violence never get reported to the police. Witnessing violence between one’s parents is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.

So why should you care? It’s not your problem and why doesn’t she just leave?  The reason you should care is that someone you know has been involved in a domestic violence relationship.  That person is me. I’ve dated a lot of guys who were just jerks. One guy in particular that I dated when I was 19 embedded these things into my head. Over and over again I was told I was worthless and no one would want to be with a 19 year old mother of two children. I was reminded how “lucky” I was to have him and he was allowed to cheat on me. Eventually, I got the courage to leave him. It was terrible but I had to for my own sanity. For years, those words stuck with me and that was what I believed. That I wasn’t deserving of some great guy who would love me and my children. 

Years later and a few relationships later, I thought that I had met the man of my dreams. (We’ll call him Aleb.)  At first he was so great to me, wrote me all of the time, came to visit me all the way from Denver, and told me everything I wanted to hear. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, blah, blah, blah. Eventually all of my friends didn’t really like him too much.  I was convinced that my friends hated him just because.  In time, my friends had just stepped back because they felt so helpless that I wouldn’t leave this jerk that treated me like this. They could no longer bear to hear me cry so they had to step back and let me learn.  My bosses saw the bruises and black eyes but I just protected him and told everyone “I deserved it. I pissed him off.” I even lied a few times about how I got those bruises and said it was all an accident.  I had to tell my landlord that he broke the door when he punched it and I even had to have a co-worker change the locks for me. I was then suckered back into the cycle with “I’m scared of losing you. I love you. I’ll change. I promise.” 

The last really bad physical altercation resulted in fractured ribs, collar bone, and cheek bone. Eyes black, gashes in the back of my head, bruises all over, busted lip, and hand print marks on my throat. The police arrested him that night. I wasn’t going to cooperate with them when they came. My resentment towards cops is like none other. They had never helped me before, why would they help me now?  I was then faced with going to jail for not cooperating or telling the truth. It took me eight times to leave him. I kept going back – even after this fight. I can still hear Cally’s screams when her father would drag me by my ankle. Her screams still haunt me in my dreams.

And only because I had a friend, Tracy, who stood by my side through it all, who took me in and gave me a home, was I able to successfully leave that relationship and get the help I needed. She gave me the strength I needed and I will never be able to repay all that she has done for me.

These men, these abusers, never change. They are able to control and manipulate everyone around them. And the women are so embarrassed by it, they hide it. So, again… where do you fit in? YOU fit in because there will be a time in your life when someone you know and love is going through this. And YOU need to be there when the floor crumbles beneath them. YOU have to be strong for them so that they can find their own strength. And YOU have to be aware.

With Love,   Sylba

                             

Warning: You May Be Offended

Children tend to duplicate and emulate what they see from their father and mother. As we always hear, action speaks louder than words. Thus, parents should lead by example and not depend on simply advising their kids on what to do or not especially if they don't walk the talk.

So when we rush them around and yell at them for playing when they're suppose to be getting ready for school. We hurry them through supper, bath time, then bed time, so that we can get other things done. Just so that we can get 20 minutes of peace? When we could have spent that time cuddling with them instead.

Over the past few weeks, I have really been analyzing my parenting skills. I am guilty of getting frustrated because I'm running late to work and the girls aren't cooperating. I am guilty of hurrying them to bed so that I can get homework or house-cleaning done. I've seen friends who get frustrated when their child wants attention and they are too busy on Facebook.  I have seen parents who just allow the T.V. to babysit their children. 

And then I think about it...what if I saw my children treat their children like that? What kind of example am I setting for my children? And then I realized that I really needed to change some things.  I mean, sure, they copy me and most of which I am proud of. When they are very loving and affectionate toward their babies, when Cally has such empathy for those poor animals (and starts crying) on television, I know they learned that from me.

 I am making sure that I cuddle with them every moment I get. I am making sure that if they want me to rub their back or rock them to sleep, I will do it. I will do my best to build my patience. I will never let them see domestic violence again. I will show them in every way, every day, that I love them with every inch of my being. I want them to want to be the kind of mother I am and strive to be.

So.... think about it... what kind of example are you setting for your children? Are you giving them the affection and attention that they need - and deserve? You're a parent, remember? When you agreed to have that child, you essentially agreed to little down time for yourself.  Children learn what they live. Make sure they learn love and laughter.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones…

… But words will never hurt me.  We have all grown up with this quote and we even teach our children to say it.  During the turmoil of a friendship ending, a really good friend of mine quoted on Facebook "Hurt people, hurt people."  In that, people do not need reasons to be hurtful.  These people do not respect themselves, so no one can be respected.

If we are continually abused we come to believe what is heaped on us is true, but there is an unusual way out of it. The bad person can embrace they are bad, and in finding that peace learn they are not. What keeps us in our problems is believing in our problems.  Just like when a child is told repeatedly that they are bad, stupid, or clumsy, they believe that they are what they have been told.

I use to be a very hurt and broken person. I was told by my mother that I was a nobody, ugly, stupid, and that I would never amount to anything.  I was told by men that I dated that no one would ever want me because I had too much baggage. I was told by a best friend that I had never done anything for her. I have been told by a girl that barely knew me “No wonder your best friend committed suicide – you were his friend.” I have been told that I am a horrible mother and I have been called every name in the book.  And people that I considered close enough to be family put me down every chance they had.

I look back on it and I can still feel the pain that those words caused; the sting and the hurt that these things can lead to.  You feel helpless and as though you are not loveable.  At some point, you when you pick yourself up and things start to go well, you begin to self-destruct.  You induce pain because you fear that your happiness will be pulled out from under you when you least expect it.

When we can finally step back and say, "Wow, that person was really mean-- I bet they are in a lot of pain." Then we can respond as Jesus calls us to-- with love for that person. Instead of firing back at them, we can respond in love, kindness, compassion and patience. This is like using a fire extinguisher on a fire. It starts to put it out. But if we choose hurt the hurting person back, it's like pouring gasoline onto that fire and hoping it will extinguish it!

That saying… “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is the complete opposite. What you say to someone may break or build them.  We need to start building up those around us. Even the creepy guy at work… offer him a Snickers. ;-)  Words can hurt... Choose them carefully.

Yours Truly,

Sylba