Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones…

… But words will never hurt me.  We have all grown up with this quote and we even teach our children to say it.  During the turmoil of a friendship ending, a really good friend of mine quoted on Facebook "Hurt people, hurt people."  In that, people do not need reasons to be hurtful.  These people do not respect themselves, so no one can be respected.

If we are continually abused we come to believe what is heaped on us is true, but there is an unusual way out of it. The bad person can embrace they are bad, and in finding that peace learn they are not. What keeps us in our problems is believing in our problems.  Just like when a child is told repeatedly that they are bad, stupid, or clumsy, they believe that they are what they have been told.

I use to be a very hurt and broken person. I was told by my mother that I was a nobody, ugly, stupid, and that I would never amount to anything.  I was told by men that I dated that no one would ever want me because I had too much baggage. I was told by a best friend that I had never done anything for her. I have been told by a girl that barely knew me “No wonder your best friend committed suicide – you were his friend.” I have been told that I am a horrible mother and I have been called every name in the book.  And people that I considered close enough to be family put me down every chance they had.

I look back on it and I can still feel the pain that those words caused; the sting and the hurt that these things can lead to.  You feel helpless and as though you are not loveable.  At some point, you when you pick yourself up and things start to go well, you begin to self-destruct.  You induce pain because you fear that your happiness will be pulled out from under you when you least expect it.

When we can finally step back and say, "Wow, that person was really mean-- I bet they are in a lot of pain." Then we can respond as Jesus calls us to-- with love for that person. Instead of firing back at them, we can respond in love, kindness, compassion and patience. This is like using a fire extinguisher on a fire. It starts to put it out. But if we choose hurt the hurting person back, it's like pouring gasoline onto that fire and hoping it will extinguish it!

That saying… “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is the complete opposite. What you say to someone may break or build them.  We need to start building up those around us. Even the creepy guy at work… offer him a Snickers. ;-)  Words can hurt... Choose them carefully.

Yours Truly,

Sylba